Im trying to stay awake
and I try to sleep
when im i cant do
anything else
than stay awake.

to focus.
It is pretty tempting to buy a pass for the filmfestival going on here right now. But I wont. It would be a bad idea. Im spending my days this week with reading about how a guy from the 17th century felt about the essence of man. about control. power. will.

back.
all of a sudden Im back in my old tracks. my days are filled with things and I have to keep a calender just not to lose control. or not to lose my fictionary control, perhaps.
Ive started working out. its nice. and it is a very good way to start the day. Ive started cooking properly. I feel sort of good, I think.

going?
im always planning the next step. and today I read up on educations in eastern europe. especially warsava. maybe I could do that.
or:
london.
iceland.
sweden.
denmark.
germany.

who knows?
not me.

so. its been a long time. Im back in scania.
and for al of you who dont have a clue about what that is: its a pieceof land which is disputed territory between denmark and sweden. for the moment its swedish. it holds citys as malmoe, lund, helsingborg and kristianstad.
as strange as it sounds.

so im back and im trying to prepare for my growingup-deadline which is next autumn. next autumn im going to start something real. real and long, that will eventually lead up to something stable.

but for now:
tonight im drinking wine and hopefully Ill make it out to see my classmates. im not so concerned with failing to do so, since it will mean Ill stay here in the company of my friend ludvig. things could be worse.

im thinking alot these days. im mostly thinking about what the essence of all of this is. or maybe mostly what the essence of "man" is. what are we? what parts do we concist of? is friendship real? did we get social from having to cooperate back in the days when crib was cage and food was nuts?
what makes a person do bad things, and more: what makes a person do good.

and im studying conflicts...violence.

well see what this will become.
something is growing.

my brothers are also growing. both of them.
i am very concerned.

my sister is growing, too.
and scoring in football.


im not doing any scoring!

Edinburgh

Edinburgh.
Working at the filmfestival. I see films a day. I spend more time in a made up filmworld than I do actually talking to people. Its been going on now for e week and its beginning to feel strange.
but its fine. really. its not like I have some sort of a choice, anyway. i dont know people here. and I have to prepare for the cold Island.
In two weeks Ill move again. I guess this is my home right now. Im a bit nervous. I know Ill be able to find some job somewhere. but where am I going to stay when my relatives get tired of having me around.nobody knows.especially not me.
Yesterday it rained. Misty.I like it here.I might even come here next autumnfor the art college.in shallah.
Having a Plan B is for suckers.

we had a party;

who the fuck are you?

marie paid me a visit.

i live here.

i went to tove´s

we made dinner

tove is nice

selma is also nice

watching Desperate Houswives at pops & co; im just in it for the gingerbread.

sikk

im sick.

fun.